‘Tis the Season for…

Christmas cards! Warm and personal and all fuzzy, making senders and recipients feel bright and bushy-tailed and happy to be alive. Unless, maybe, they’re postmen, in which case they’re probably feeling greatly overworked because, hey, they are.

The Brodys haven’t received many Christmas cards yet this year. In fact, we haven’t gotten any. Instead, we have a small pile of “holiday greetings.” You know, the ones people send worded so they don’t offend anyone else’s beliefs and which, of course, end up offending everyone’s.

Yesterday, Lawrence Brody – as opposed to “Larry Brody” or “Gwen and Larry Brody,” whatever – received the most neutral holiday greeting so far this year. It’s from my not so close personal friends at the Weinberg College of Arts and Sciences, at my alma mater, Northwestern University, and although it’s clearly meant to be a moving work of art, as far as I can see nothing about the card makes what my former neighbors in the Ozarks would call “a lick of sense.”

Here, in all its e-mailed glory (yes, e-mailed, which may or may not have been intended as a wonderful tribute to postmen and women everywhere) is what I’m talking about:

If anyone looking at this can tell me what relevance the above image and text have to Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanzaa, Winter Solstice, you name it, please send me an explanatory comment, or an email of your own. And if you’re planning on sending Gwen and myself a seasonal holiday card, be it via snailmail or post, keep in mind that including the name of my true love as an addressee will probably save me from having to do a lot of stuttering and sputtering ‘splaining to my truly better half.